


Personal

by shadowshrike



Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Assassination Attempt(s), Existential Crisis, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Nohr | Conquest Route
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-13
Updated: 2019-02-17
Packaged: 2019-06-09 20:02:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15275154
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shadowshrike/pseuds/shadowshrike
Summary: When Corrin turned her sights towards Hoshido, the trust Kaze placed in her to change Nohr shattered. Now he was the only one who stood between his homeland and certain demise. The relationships he cultivated had become his greatest weapons, but were they strong enough to break Nohr? Or would they break him instead?





	1. The Assassination

_It’s not personal_.

The mantra of Igasato’s ninja did nothing to stop the heat beneath Kaze’s hands from sinking into his skin. Since coming to Nohr, this was the first time he had felt true warmth. Downy blonde hair slipped through exploratory fingers, while sturdy, battle-roughened skin heaved with the rhythmic calm of an evening spent in desired company. The part of Kaze’s mind not consumed with his mission could not deny an appreciation for the man splayed beneath him.

A crown prince was meant to be the pinnacle of what their country had to offer. In their time together, Kaze had seen first hand that Xander lived this lofty ideal in every aspect of his life. He was noble, powerful, and shrewd. A just leader when not under his father’s thumb and impossibly, selflessly kind, he had been an easy man to admire when Kaze first defected to Nohr. Though it took ages to be allowed beneath Xander’s armor, the physical barrier still far quicker to fall than his elaborate emotional walls, the crown prince had welcomed Kaze with open arms from the first day they crossed paths again. Perhaps it was a calculated act to learn more of the potential spy in their midst, or perhaps he truly saw something no one else did in the ninja. Either way, the praise of a prince was beyond Kaze's will to resist.

He humbly sparred with Xander whenever he was asked. He protected the crown prince in battle. He even shamefully experienced pride rather than humility when Xander first called him friend. Kaze had parroted the words back to him, eager to cement the bond they had forged in battle.

And now, here they lay, no armor of any sort between them. Kaze’s hands wandered across hard planes of muscle normally hidden beneath even harder plate. Even for one used to seeing warriors undressed in the baths, he was remarkable. Kaze would say Xander had been shaped by the gods, but that would be a disservice to the prince's tireless work to hone every part of his body for battle. These muscles were a physical manifestation of his dedication.

He was warm, too. Xander radiated heat as only one born in a frozen wasteland could. It was as though a ray of Hoshido’s sunshine had lodged itself in his broad chest, it’s radiance shining through the soft golden hairs that coated the prince in a fine, manicured layer. So foreign, yet a hint of home like Kaze hadn’t felt since leaving the land of light.

If only Lady Corrin hadn’t chosen to invade Hoshido. Maybe…

_It’s not personal._

But that was the choice she made. She shattered Kaze’s naive trust in her that day. Nohr would invade Hoshido at the whims of a mad king instead of rooting out its corruption from within, and the two once Hoshidan princesses were complicit in his home's destruction. Having seen how the Nohrian army ran with its royalty leading the charge, Kaze knew nothing would stop them once they were on the warpath.

That was exactly why he couldn’t allow them to get that far. The lost princess was no longer of Hoshido. He saw that now. For the sake of his country and his duties as a ninja, he could not allow his naive faith to harm Hoshido any longer.

Nohr was a formidable military beast, desperation driving its men to extreme lengths. However, that same desperation divided their nation. Rebellion was rampant throughout the country, and even within the palace, distrust between leaders sowing unrest when not carefully managed. Only one man was strong, wise, charismatic enough to shield his soldiers from the worst of their leaders’ chaos. Only one could prevent the Nohrian warmachine from eating itself. The same man whose strong heartbeat pulsed beneath Kaze’s fingertips.

“You seem troubled. Having second thoughts…?” Xander rumbled. His calloused hands brushed along Kaze’s waist, aiming to draw his half-dressed partner back into the moment.

A mild smile answered him. “No. I am merely distracted. It is something I had never dared dream of; laying with royalty so intimately.”

“We have not been intimate yet,” Xander corrected. He sat up, tugging Kaze closer to him so he could kiss a sensual line down the dip of his shoulder. The prince’s lips were rough. Hot. Demanding. Helpless to the sensation, Kaze felt himself stir.

_It’s not personal. It’s not personal._

“It’s not personal.”

“What’s not personal?”

Kaze’s hands didn’t freeze in their leisurely journey across Xander’s exposed chest, but his tongue fell dead in his mouth. What a stupid mistake. If it were anyone else, he would try to smooth it over with a change of subject (or if absolutely necessary, a distracting hand dipping below the waist). The indomitable Crown Prince Xander of Nohr, however, was not so easily swayed from his course.

Too late, Kaze realized he had no choice but to strike now.

The infamously quick ninja reached for his knife in the trousers he had not yet removed, but Xander was already there. He trapped Kaze’s wrist and plucked the blade from his hand. Kaze could have fought it. He was lighter and weaker, but trained in hand-to-hand combat far more extensively than the foreign prince. He still had a chance to finish his mission, even if it would not be cleanly.

Kaze let Xander take the knife without a fight.

“You mean this,” Xander murmured. He flipped the weapon back and forth in his hand, holding it to Kaze’s throat. His expression remained as cold and unforgiving as Nohr’s mountains. “Poison tipped. Easily concealed. Perfect for assassination. I had wondered how long it would take you.”

Kaze swallowed carefully against the blade. “You knew?”

“Of course I knew. I am no stranger to assassination attempts,” said Xander. “And you did not conceal your conflict well. Invading your homeland and facing down your family; it is not something a loyal man like yourself would take so lightly.”

“Then why did you allow me so close?”

Xander scoffed, “Because a crown prince is not so easily killed.”

What a reckless answer. Surely there was more to it than that, but the ice in Xander’s eyes suggested Kaze would not be getting anything more out of him.

“What do you intend to do with me?” Kaze asked instead.

Xander remained silent for several long moments, bloody gaze boring into Kaze as if measuring him against some invisible scale. Kaze didn't cower.

At last, Xander replied, “The Igasatan ninja Suzukaze of Hoshido is honor bound to kill me for the sake of his nation. If I let him go, he will hunt me, even in exile. That leaves me only one option.”

Kaze closed his eyes as the tip of the blade lifted from his throat. Do not fear death. He had been taught this since he was no taller than the nightstand beside them. And yet, something still twinged in his chest while he awaited the final blow. Not fear, but regret. He tried to convince himself that it was regret for failing his mission to protect Hoshido.

It wasn't.

Metal whizzed by his ear and made a loud thunk as it lodged into the wood flooring. Starled, Kaze opened his eyes again. In front of him, Xander’s hand was still extended in perfect form for throwing a knife, just like Kaze had taught him. The ninja twisted his head to see where the blade had landed.

There it stood, sticking out from the discarded scraps of clothes he'd tossed from the bed early on. It had torn through the fabric, effectively destroying the one outfit he had retained from his homeland.

“Justice is done. With his own knife, I have killed the Igasatan ninja whose purpose it was to assassinate me,” Xander said. His hand released Kaze’s wrist. “Kaze of Nohr is welcome in his place.”

It was then, still staring at the carcass of his past life, that other man finally began to understand.

He could no longer live as a Hoshidan in Nohr. Just as Shura chose to become a Nohrian outlaw when his clan fell, Kaze was being offered the same choice by Nohr's crown prince: perish or adapt. He knew what Suzukaze, second son of Saizo the Fourth and faithful, if tarnished, servant to the royal family would choose, but that man was no more. So what answer did Kaze, follower of Lady Corrin and man who lay in the bed of the Crown Prince of Nohr give?

“It was never personal,” Kaze murmured.

Xander nodded. “I know.” He pushed himself upright, meeting Kaze's uncertain gaze. “So what is?”

That, at least, Kaze knew the answer to. Trust and desire. Without a mission to force them at odds, these things remained real between them, too precious to let go of.

A palm pressed the crown prince back to the bed, and he let himself fall.

“Let me show you.”


	2. Xander's Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The crown prince who killed Suzukaze gives his new lover a way to start rebuilding.

When their labored breathing and praise at last lapsed into comfortable silence, Kaze sprawled next to Xander across rumpled sheets. Despite how close they had been mere minutes prior, the warmth from one another’s bodies was too much to bear now. Xander radiated the heat of a miniature sun. To touch him would only serve to make them both sweat through his silk sheets.

That didn’t mean the prince couldn’t be admired from afar, something which Kaze was an expert at. He rolled his head to the side to appreciate the curled flyaways plastered to Xander’s forehead and the quiet heave of his chest. Even though they had done little beyond heavy petting - the two inexperienced men had agreed to explore this aspect of their relationship cautiously - Xander looked as though he had just finished an hour long training session. 

A sliver of pride nestled into Kaze’s heart. To think that someone as unimportant as he could leave a man like Xander breathless. He recalled fondly every stretch of their little romp. The softening of Xander’s brow, the unexpected roughness of his palm against sensitive skin, the scrape of teeth leaving a possessive reminder in their wake. The longer they lay there, the further Kaze’s mind wandered from the present, until it landed uneasily on how the evening had started once again.

“Why did you give me this chance?” he murmured.

The prince twisted his neck so he could look back at Kaze. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said.

“You should hate me. I betrayed you,” the other reasoned. He rubbed at a wrinkle in his pillow to calm the nerves rising in his throat.

“Kaze, if I held a grudge against everyone who had ever made an attempt on my life, I would have no family,” Xander quipped in return. 

An almost-smile at some dark joke that Kaze didn’t understand touched the prince’s face. If he meant that his brother and sisters had at one time tried to kill him, the other man didn’t understand his mirth. The thought of Saizo standing opposite him in battle, now an uncomfortably real vision of the future, turned his stomach.

When Kaze failed to mirror his dry humor, Xander’s perpetual seriousness crashed over his face again, drawing his lips and brows together. He sighed and rolled to face Kaze properly, placing a comforting hand on Kaze’s bare shoulder and locking their gazes as a mentor might console a chastised student, saying, “You acted as I would have in your position. I cannot hold that against my friend.”

Kaze blinked, uncomprehending. “You still consider me a friend.”

“Why else would you be here in my chambers?”

That, Kaze had no answer to. No answer that was not insulting to a man who chose those he trusted with the utmost care, anyway, so he flipped onto his back to stare at the ceiling, forcing Xander’s hand from his shoulder. This was a special moment between them. He would not dishonor it with his doubts of worthiness to share the bed of a future king.

“...I do not know what to do next,” Kaze admitted when the silence could no longer speak for him. “A ninja’s life is defined by his service. Even coming here against Hoshido’s will was because of my debt to Lady Corrin. Without that...I am not sure who I am.”

Xander hummed, rolling over to match Kaze’s position and folding his hands on his chest, “You did not hesitate when I asked you what was personal to you.”

Now it was Kaze’s turn to wear a faint smile, even if the prince couldn’t see it. “It is inappropriate for a ninja to have a casual relationship with royalty, much less share such intimacy. Despite attempting to convince myself I wanted to be close to you for the sake of the mission, I’ve always known what I feel about you is independent of my calling.” He coughed, heart in his throat. “Ah...my former calling.”

Quiet fell over the room once again. In his line of work, Kaze had become more intimately familiar with silences than a harlot was with the human body. He knew how to read them - those that lay thick with secrets, those where so many secrets had been spoken that there was naught left to say, and those filled with pondering of some weighty matter. Xander often favored the last kind. Although the prince had the eloquence of a man many years his senior, he preferred to speak in actions rather than words and think matters through in long, contemplative silences like the one they were sharing now. 

Patience would be rewarded. Whenever Xander thought so deeply about something, his wisdom was always worth the time spent. So, Kaze waited.

What seemed like a fortnight later, Xander had his suggestion, “Perhaps you should speak to the others who have started a new existence in Nohr to clear your mind. You are not the first to walk this path. You do not need to do it alone.”

“You mean Shura?” Kaze asked. 

He knew the other man was a former ninja turned Nohrian, similar to Kaze’s story, but only the broad strokes had made it to his ears. Whether because of Shura’s personality or past training, he spoke little to anyone. Even Kaze’s selfless requests to help him with his chores around camp had been met with polite refusal. Broaching a subject this delicate with Shura would prove challenging.

“And Beruka and Zero,” Xander added, unaware of the layers of difficulty he was so-casually piling onto Kaze’s list of tasks. Two retainers, both notorious for their distaste of anyone other than their lieges. “All three of them have abandoned their old lives to serve the Nohrian army.” Xander propped himself up on an elbow to face his partner again. “There is a future here for you, Kaze, I promise you.”

Looking up into Xander’s soft smile, Kaze believed him. With Xander laying so close, Kaze felt confidence surge through him, despite all logic suggesting that he was now without home nor purpose. It was easy to see why this prince was so beloved by his soldiers. Though Nohr struggled with everything from wages to food to justice, there was something about Xander that made men believe he could achieve the impossible through will alone.

How lucky Kaze was to share Xander’s friendship and his bed. He only hoped that he would be lucky enough to keep it.

Kaze gestured vaguely between them, stopping his fingertips just shy of Xander’s heart. “...and...what about...this…?” 

“This,” Xander’s hand found Kaze’s to intertwine their fingers, “does not change. I am glad to share these moments with Kaze of Nohr."

Kaze met his gentle smile with one of his own and gave a soft squeeze. For the first time since he was a boy, Kaze reasoned that perhaps his tasks for the day could wait. He wanted to enjoy this moment to its fullest first.


	3. Shura's Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kaze spends an a day trying to find a fellow ex-ninja. Shura's attitude about the change is not what he expects.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to fudge a few things in Fates' already questionable timeline to make Shura's place fit in this story the way I wanted to, though some it can be chalked up to Shura carefully framing the truth to fit his narrative after he ended up an outlaw in Nohr. Be warned: he's a bitter, jaded, old man in this version of Conquest.

After a few hours of searching for Shura, Kaze decided that hunting enough rabbits with his bare hands to supply a feast for the entire army  would have been easier. He was off the official schedule for today, and that left an entire world of possibilities for where the older man could be. Every place Kaze stopped - the mess hall, the training field, even the hot springs - no one reported seeing even a glimpse of the man’s presence today. 

Per his extensive experience as a scout, Kaze would normally take this as a sign that he needed to be patient and attempt to strike again when he had a better idea of his target’s location. Rash searches rarely yielded results. Moreover, Shira was an ex-ninja and had many years of experience on Kaze; if he didn’t want to be found, it would be near impossible. 

Taking his time and attempting their potential conversation later was the obvious, rational choice. Unfortunately, the part of Kaze screaming for purpose wouldn’t listen to reason.

Kaze’s questioning of his comrades continued as the day wore on. His trademark calm gradually gave way to a frustrated distress. Brittle ‘thank yous’ when the soldiers inevitably passed on the news they hadn’t seen Shura today were met with increasing discomfort. Birds kept their songs to themselves as Kaze passed, afraid to provoke him further. Had anyone from Hoshido been in their camp, they surely would have made a crack about how he actually seemed like Saizo’s twin for once.

“...I suppose I should ask what has you looking for me before you catch the forest on fire with that glare.”

Kaze whirled to find the owner of the voice leaning against a tree he had looked at not thirty seconds ago. If he had been more focused on his senses than his anger, he surely would have heard the man approach. 

“Shura! Ah...I…” Kaze’s words stumbled to a halt like a fresh ninja on his first mission, unsure of how to approach his mark after the long hunt had at last come to a close. It seemed his wits and training had disappeared along with his title. 

“...I wanted to ask you something,” Kaze finished lamely.

Crossing his arms, Shura fixed him with a disbelieving stare and scoffed, “There’s no need to be delicate with me. I’ve been doing this work longer than you’ve been alive. So, are you here to ask a former Hoshidan for help destroying Nohr? Or have you decided to go native and wanted an expert opinion on how to do it?”

He should have expected the perceptive answer. They could pretend they were all culture-blind soldiers under the same banner, but the longer this war lasted, the more everyone became hyper aware of those with reasons to defect within their ranks. Perhaps that was why Shura had avoided him; the two of them talking together could easily be misconstrued as Hoshidan conspiracy. 

A day ago, those assumptions would have been correct. Now, all Kaze wanted was a home among the people he fought beside.

“...the latter,” Kaze said. “I’m interested in becoming more...Nohrian.”

Shura looked him over, muttering, “That explains the new outfit. I was certain you were going to stay loyal to the Saizo clan with how brazenly you flaunted your ninja background.”

“It was never my intent to be offensive to my fellow soldiers. My clan’s clothing…” Kaze dropped his gaze to the foreign tunic Xander had leant to him. The Nohrian fabric itched against his skin. “It was who I am.”

The creases around Shura’s mouth deepened into crags as the weight of some unseen shade perched on his shoulder. Kaze knew that look. It was the same his twin carried in the months and years following their father’s death, hiding some grave injustice which had stolen part of his soul for itself. When he spoke, the bowstring-tightness of Shura’s voice threatened to snap at any moment. “You’re too attached to a life that has no attachment to you.”

“It was what I had trained for since birth,” Kaze said.

“So what changed?”

A mess of green bangs fell over violet eyes with no circlet to stop them as Kaze bowed his head. Despite his intense shame, he would not hold his tongue. If Shura judged him a traitor and saw fit to end his life as Xander would not, it would be a release he did not deserve.

“I failed in assassinating the crown prince,” Kaze confessed. “He spared my life, at the cost of my purpose.”

Shura didn’t so much as blink. He stared Kaze down, unflinching and unsurprised, disdain coating his tongue. “He stripped you of your purpose of serving Hoshido like a mindless dog? You should thank him.”

“It was a great honor to protect them,” Kaze protested. “Perhaps you don’t understand because you were never in service to the crown.”

“I did serve the crown. Once.”

Kaze had already primed another heated retort on his tongue to defend his birthplace, but Shura’s words froze them solid. The Saizo line had served the king of Hoshido directly for generations. If Shura had served - if  _ Kogha _ had served - surely Kaze would have at least heard of their exploits. Ninja were taught to leave no trace, but that was only to civilians and historians. He couldn’t have hidden from other ninja.

Unless, of course, their involvement was specifically stricken from the record by the Hoshidan royal family. In a world kept under control by the safeguarding of secrets, there were some too dangerous to let live, even between ninja.

Kaze bowed and offered a gentle rescission of his earlier accusation, “Ah, my apologies for the assumption. I was never taught of Kogha’s ninjas in Shirasagi.” 

“That’s not surprising. My kingdom was gone by the time you came into your own, discarded by the crown,” Shura explained, confirming the worst of Kaze’s suspicions. “I was the one who kidnapped Princess Azura for them.”

Memories of the quiet girl with hair like water, so frightened and lonely in her new home flew through Kaze’s mind. Watching her grow into a lovely woman, no less despondent despite the beauty of Hoshido. She had never paid him much mind, but he had always considered it his duty to watch over her, if in part to make amends for the other princess he had failed to save from kidnapping. Even so, he’d never once questioned who kidnapped Azura from Nohr in retribution for his mistake. 

“...but…”

“How did I end up in Nohr, stealing food and money to get by?” Shura laughed bitterly. “Once Yukimura had no more use for me, I was forgotten. They had their bargaining chip, and the fate of an unknown ninja whose kingdom had been razed to the ground by Mokushu was of no consequence. It’s hard to see when you’re fed lines about the honor of serving Hoshido, but ninjas are disposable in the eyes of royalty. Less than human. They did nothing when Kogha burned to the ground, and even when I served them loyally they turned me away, forcing me to Nohr. 

“They taught you from birth to die for your country so you would never question their orders to do so. If you’re looking to clear your conscience of ‘dishonor’ for betraying them, remember that.”

Unbidden, the urge to defend his home rushed into Kaze’s chest, squeezing the air from his lungs in a frustrated huff. “That is not a fair representation of their position. Ninja are needed to keep the peace without unrest. Even if some of us must die, we are lucky to do so in service to the greater good.”

“Greater good? Whose good?” Shura asked, scorn twisting his lips. “Who was served by forcing a man loyal to the crown into exile after losing his home?”

“I couldn’t say, but the affairs of royalty are far beyond what I can comprehend.”

“They are not infallible.”

“They are wiser than I.”

Stopping short of another retort, Shura fell into the kind of ominous silence that Kaze associated with his own father when he had overstepped his bounds. And what a mistake he had made - getting dragged into a petty argument with the person he was supposed to be learning from. 

“My apologies. Please, continue,” Kaze murmured, silently releasing the heat building behind his teeth. Even if his honor was gone, he would not bear the disgrace of being ungrateful towards his benefactors.

Shura’s eyes didn’t lose their squint, but after a wordless grunt he carried on, “...my point is that Hoshido may not care for you, but it’s only natural that you still care for it. I still love Kogha. The friends and family I lost drive me every day to carry on. However, Kogha will never exist again as it does in my memory. Hoshido and your clan, they will never exist that way for you again either.”

“So you are telling me it is useless to hold onto it?” the younger man asked.

“No, I’m saying should use it to rebuild your life here. That world may not exist for you anymore, but you are still alive. That means you get to choose who you want to be now.” Shura broke his gaze, turning it towards a future only he could see in the depths of night where even dead men dared to dream.  “...You can rebuild your world in the image of those things you loved most, even if you can never get back exactly what you lost.”

“Like you remain a Nohrian citizen yet aim to rebuild Kogha,” Kaze guessed. Shura’s silence was an undeniable affirmative. “But if you want to rebuild Kogha, why do you stay away from everyone? Surely they could help you?”

The older man’s eyes refocused on the present, their shrewd attention cutting through Kaze as he said, “I stay away for the same reason you do.”

Uncertain of how to respond to the bold accusation, Kaze frowned, and his head cocked to the side like a dog pondering a new command. “I do not stay away…? I speak with my comrades every day.”

“You help them with their work. Weasel out information with that earnest attitude of yours. But you don’t make friends,” Shura said, waving off Kaze’s defense. ”You have secrets about yourself that you don’t share with anyone, including why you really joined us in the first place.”

“I…”

Shura cut off any explanation he might give, “I don’t care. Don’t waste your breath lying to me. You also know that, as a Hoshidan and a spy, having people associating with you could reflect poorly on them during this war, so it’s better to stay on the outskirts. My predicament is similar.”

There was truth in his words. Though Kaze considered his comrades dear to him, whether Nohrian or Hoshidan, he felt more comfortable when that sentiment was not shared. He was meant to be expendable. To cause them grief with the nature of his work would be unconscionable.

The echo of golden curls against his skin and a whispered order to stay alive and well flitted through his mind, taunting his resolve.

“...I am not distant with everyone,” he murmured.

“Then you should hold onto those people,” Shura instructed. “They’re the ones who will help you recapture what you’ve lost. For me...I’m beginning to think that time has past.”

Kaze’s concerned frown returned. He insisted, “You are not alone anymore. I will help you rebuild Kogha. It’s the least I can do in exchange for your wisdom.”

“Thanks, kid, but you need to figure out your own path before you follow me down mine,” Shura said, shaking his head at the younger man’s unfailing desire to fix everyone’s problems but his own. He turned away and lifted a hand to dismiss Kaze. “And if you ever need to track me down again to talk, do the smart thing and wait ‘til I’m on duty, alright?”

“Yes, of course. I’m sorry for disturbing you, sir,” Kaze replied, bowing in apology once again.

“Shura. I’m just an outlaw now,” came the quick correction. “Take care of yourself, Kaze, and good luck.”

Kaze stared at his retreating back. He had the answer he had sought, yet it didn’t dispel his uneasiness. He still did not know how to build a life here, especially not with the people (person) he trusted as Shura suggested. The panic of purposelessness that had been held at bay by having a mission to complete stalked out from the shadows, ready to consume Kaze with its fanged maw. 

He would not give in so easily. There was still more work to be done. If he was meant to follow the prince’s lead in building this new life in Nohr, then he would start by taking his advice, too. Striking his nerves from his heart, Kaze resolved to search for the two retainers he had been instructed to pursue in the morning, after what would no doubt prove a restless night. Perhaps their insight would be more helpful.


	4. Zero's Advice

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Zero hunts down Kaze to torment him, and the ex-ninja uses the opportunity to pursue another answer to his predicament.

As the cold light of Nohr’s full moon lanced through a crack in Kaze’s tent and into his still-open eyes, he resigned himself to not sleeping tonight. An evening of mulling had done nothing to unravel Shura’s advice. 

Even if Kaze trusted in this budding relationship with Nohr’s crown prince, how could he reclaim what was once lost? He had previously only done as he was asked. He toiled and trained for Hoshido. He dedicated himself to his ninja duties. He served humbly, helping others chase their dreams rather than developing ones of his own. Kaze found joy in the simplicity of following orders. But those same orders had led him to try to kill the very man who was supposed to help him rebuild a home that he’d only now realized was empty inside its rice paper walls. 

He couldn’t ask anything of Xander after their encounter. Even if he could, Kaze wouldn’t know what to ask for. Orders? A new clan? A new family? He didn’t have a razed home to rally around or an enemy to exact vengeance upon. Only his constant companion of feeling like a failure remained.

That was enough moping. If one had energy to sulk, they had energy to train, as his old master liked to say. Rolling out of bed, Kaze scratched at where this new nightshirt chafed along his neck. Nohrian fabrics were entirely too rough. He would need to ask around tomorrow and see if there was something more comfortable he could borrow.

Kaze stepped out into the evening chill. There were few things as eerie as how silent Nohr was in the dead of night. No insects buzzed in the darkness, nor birds cried to mourn the fallen sun. Whatever hunters lurked in the shadows were as stealthy as any ninja. Only the wind carried signs of life - a creaking tree nearing its breaking point, a hushed conversation at the edge of camp, the rhythmic shuffle of someone dancing in the distance.

However, it didn’t warn Kaze of his stalker. Only a preternatural instinct honed in battle did that, one so insistent about danger that he only just cleared the tents before it got the better of him. Kaze spun towards whoever was following him, crouched and dagger at the ready. 

“So eager to stick your blade in me?” Zero chortled. His hair seemed to glow as he stepped into the moonlight to meet Kaze’s aggressive stance, a lewd quirk to his lips. “I’d heard you were quick, but I didn’t realize that meant no foreplay at all.”

Despite rationalizing that a retainer to Nohr posed no threat to him, Kaze found it difficult to sheathe his dagger again. There was something predatory about the way that Zero stared which set him on edge even more than the women who dogged his steps in town. But just like them, Kaze knew the more he reacted, the worse his suffering would be.

He shoved the knife back into a sleeve and offered a short bow. “My apologies, Zero. I didn’t realize it was an ally behind me. Is there something I can help you with?”

His question went ignored as the retainer purred, “An ally, hm? Is that why you're suddenly wearing that getup? You look like you're aching to have someone take it off you.”

“It is rather uncomfortable,” Kaze admitted. He fidgeted to fix the collar again, now reminded of its itch. “If you have a suggestion for more appropriate Nohrian attire, I would be in your debt.”

“It’s dangerous to offer a debt to a wicked man like me. I have plenty of  _ suggestions _ for you…” The amused blue eye that had been sizing him up suddenly grew frigid, “Suzukaze, was it?”

Kaze wondered if Zero knew how at home it made him feel to be looked at that way. Being judged beneath the weight of a singular, cruel eye - it was almost like standing before his brother again. He tried to look appropriately intimidated.

“It’s just Kaze, now,” he corrected.

“Hm. A new name for a new life is more convincing if you choose one that's not almost exactly the same.”

“You mean like choosing Zero instead of Niles?” 

Kaze bit his tongue the moment those words passed his lips. It was a thoughtless dig, one Kaze wouldn't have made had he gotten enough sleep. There was nothing to be gained by allowing Zero to goad him. Revealing the extent of reconnaissance he had done on the Nohrian army was risky, especially in front of this man. Kaze didn't need to be making enemies who were nearly as slippery and ruthless as he was.

The edge to Zero's smirk grew more fierce and Kaze's stomach dropped. 

“What a naughty boy you are, digging into a man's most intimate parts,” he drawled. “If you’re so desperate for me to share myself with you, you could have just asked.” 

“My apologies, I didn’t mean to pry,” Kaze lied. “When I heard your name, I thought it unusual. I was curious if it was common in Nohr. I didn’t expect to find that you’d once lived by another name in the slums.”

“You didn’t mean to pry? That’s not what I think.” Zero took a deliberate step in, so close that his breath tickled the skin where Kaze’s scarf should have been. Kaze crossed his arms to disguise his discomfort.

“Ah…?”

“I think a dirty man who likes to pretend he’s squeaky clean was trying to find a weapon he could use against his only competition in Nohr.”

Kaze’s frown deepened, tapping a finger on his arm. Of course Zero saw right through him. The best he could hope for now was to deflect. “I never claimed to be a good man. I’m no more than a lowly ninja...That is to say, I was.”

Zero didn't take the obvious bait.

“Ah, yes, that old gem. ‘Lowly ninja’. But you aren’t, are you?” Kaze’s fingers gripped his bicep as Zero’s teeth brushed over his earlobe. “Son of the Saizo.”

“Second son,” the ex-ninja corrected. He focused on counting his breaths to keep his tone mild. If he panicked, Zero wouldn't hesitate to put an arrow through his heart.

The retainer scoffed, “My lord is no less devoted to Nohr for the timing of his birth. And no one who spent his entire life on his knees servicing Hoshidan royalty would chase a new mistress unless she had something especially sweet to offer. So what scandalous treat did the innocent little princess offer you? She must have been something special to convince you to wear that.”

“I assure you, I haven’t spent any time with Lady Corrin lately. My reasons for wearing this have nothing to do with her.”

“Oh~? The obsessed Hoshidan lapdog isn’t begging for her scraps?” Zero sneered, circling his prey. “I find that hard to believe.”

Kaze shook his head, throwing loose strands of hair in his eyes that he had to uncross his arms to brush out of the way. He missed his circlet. “Things have changed. You needn’t worry about me any longer, Zero.”

“What  _ exactly _ has changed?”

When subterfuge failed, honesty remained the best weapon. Kaze only hoped that any gossiping Zero might do wouldn't be taken seriously by their fellow soldiers. 

“I failed at the mission you suspect me of harboring. Hoshido will be invaded and the crown prince will live on, despite what I was honorbound to do. His benevolence has spared me a death sentence. However, that pardon was at the cost of my old life.” Kaze cocked his head, meeting Zero’s cool blue gaze with a sharper violet one. “I’ve heard you would know a great deal about that. Lord Xander suggested I seek your counsel.”

Kaze wished he had thought to use Xander's name earlier, as the ex-outlaw suddenly backed away, crossing his arms in a mirror image of Kaze's. Although Zero considered little sacred outside his own lord’s desires, he still feared Nohr’s king and heir and kept track of those who held their favor. Some lines weren’t meant to be crossed.

Zero frowned, replying, “Lord Xander said I could help you? I didn’t expect our illustrious prince to waste his thoughts on filth like me.”

Kaze’s smile was deliberately fond. “You would do well not to underestimate him. There is not a soldier among his ranks he sees as beneath him.”

“If he had a few soldiers beneath him, his temperment might be more agreeable,” the retainer grumbled.

“I assure you that’s not the problem.”

The opportunity for mischief brought Zero to his senses. His lips stretched back into a cruel grin, “You’re so certain of who Lord Xander needs beneath him, are you~?”

“Indeed,” Kaze replied. “I have fallen beneath him many times while sparring and it did nothing to ease the crease of his brow. I don’t think more soldiers would have any other effect.”

Kaze's expression remained deliberately stoic. He enjoyed a game of wits, and now that he had turned the tables on Zero, he could take a moment to indulge. After all, manipulating people and pushing their buttons seemed to be a core Nohrian skill. Missing an opportunity to practice would be negligent.

The unimpressed glare he received in return did not disappoint. “That innocent act is repulsive. A pretty face like yours would look so much better twisted in disgust.”

“I’m sorry to disappoint you.” Kaze bowed humbly once again, prompting an annoyed click of Zero’s tongue.

“You’re boring me. It's no fun when you aren't on your knees, begging for my mercy,” Zero said. His eye raked over Kaze like he could see everything beneath the ill-fitting clothing, and Kaze wondered not for the first time how much of this was a show put on to intimidate others. Surely, Zero wasn't actually attracted to anyone with a pulse as long as they were in pain?

“So you won’t counsel me as Lord Xander requested?” Kaze challenged, trying to redirect the conversation back to where he needed it.

Zero tensed again, though the outlaw tried to hide it with a dismissive sweep of his hand. “You haven’t said what you want.”

“As I mentioned earlier, I’ve been forcibly removed from the path of a ninja. I know you faced a similar situation when you were pardoned by Prince Leo and brought into his service.” Kaze paused, choosing his words carefully. “I am...struggling to adapt to my new life. I was hoping you could tell me more of how you went from depraved outlaw to respected retainer.”

“I think you mean ‘depraved retainer’,” Zero corrected with a snort. He began to pace, his cape falling from his arms as waved off Kaze’s words. “There is nothing clever about dying and being born into a second life. My body and soul belongs to Lord Leo now. It’s as simple as that.”

“So...I belong...to Lord Xander…?” Kaze mumbled, his brow pinched.

“If he is the one who killed your old self and gave you this life, yes.”

For a long moment, Kaze was silent. Narrowed eyes focused on the flecks of dirt splattered on Zero’s boots while he considered. When he was Suzukaze, his life belonged to his country and the young princess he had failed to protect. His calling as a ninja demanded it. He would have died a hundred times over for the honor of serving them, no matter how trivial the request, and had even followed Lady Corrin to Nohr in deference to that duty. But now that he was Kaze, he had no lord. No home.

Or so he had assumed. 

Kaze would never be blessed to become a retainer like Zero, he’d known that long ago, but there was still other hope. Perhaps dedicating himself to Xander would stitch shut the hole in his heart where Hoshido had been. If anything could teach someone like him to become Nohrian, it was serving the man who embodied Nohr, and Kaze was well suited to the role of devoted subordinate. He’d been told as much since childhood when Saizo would run to be at Lord Ryoma’s side, and he would linger behind, tidying up scrolls forgotten in their rush to seek adventure and glory.

Perhaps that was the true meaning of Shura’s advice. Kaze didn’t need to literally rebuild Hoshido or his clan here in Nohr, but he could seek similarities that would let him reclaim those familiar, comforting feelings. There was only one problem…

“How did Prince Leo accept you?” Kaze asked at last. His raised his gaze to meet Zero’s again. “Although it is true he spared me, I don’t know if Lord Xander views me the same way.”

He regretted the question immediately. Zero closed his eye and breathed in, savoring the memory in a fashion that could only be described as indecent.

“You want to know if your fleeting bond with the crown prince could ever compare to what my lord and I have shared? The night we met, Lord Leo made me prostrate myself before him. I exposed everything for his judgment. I begged for death, but he refused, choosing to claim me as his own right there on the castle floor,” Zero moaned theatrically, wrapping his arms around his middle. Taking a page from Odin’s book, Kaze suspected. “On the day of my oath, I was stripped bare by his gaze as I pledged my flesh to his service. That day, I was reborn - from then on, his every desire would be carried out by my hands.”

Kaze knew the words were intended to provoke, as was Zero’s way. Surely no such carnal relations had passed between Leo and his retainer back when Zero was still Niles, a street urchin raiding the castle. Still, Kaze couldn’t stop the flood of memories. Powerful hands stripping him bare, passionate lips leaving secret brands upon his skin, the forbidden desires of a prince whispered in his ear and his own wordless pledge to make them reality. If a claim was what it took to restart a life, then the crown prince had cemented it tenfold last night.

A fact Kaze would try to prevent Zero from learning as long as possible.

“Hm...I see. Thank you for the insight,” Kaze said. He prayed his words were not as hurried as they felt, now that he had what he needed. “My apologies, I would like to chat longer, but it would be best if I retired for the night. I’ve kept you from your patrol long enough, and my duties begin in a few hours. I will need to find something to wear that is less likely to distract me by then,” he said. Kaze fussed with the trim on his sleeves to demonstrate.

Zero took that as an invitation to saunter towards him again, eyebrow raised,  “Leaving so soon? I can find you something more liberating…”

Kaze sidestepped his advance, making room for a clear retreat back to the tents while smoothly falling into a bow. “That’s quite alright, Zero. I’m already in your debt. Thank you for your counsel.”

Whatever crude remark Zero followed up with was lost in a puff of smoke where Kaze used to be. A rude trick, perhaps, but Kaze feared he would never be allowed to walk away if Zero was fixated on tormenting him. Perhaps some forced distance would make them more amicable the next time they met.

As Kaze slipped back into his tent a minute later, guilt followed him. Not for retreating so abruptly - if it wasn't for Xander's insistence that he talk to Zero, he would have left long before the feeling of Zero's teeth on his ear was cemented into his memory - but for relying on a skill of his past life to do it. There was no chance that a Nohrian man could disappear as Kaze just did. When Xander undoubtedly heard of this transgression through his brother, Kaze hoped he would would forgive it just this once. The crown prince was kind enough to spare him, surely he would understand that Kaze was too inept to be able to abandon his life's teachings within a day.

That was a concern better suited to the dim Nohrian dawn. For now, he would take comfort in the lead he had found. There was still much left uncertain, but when he closed his eyes he could see it clearly: Kaze, faithful servant to Nohr and the Crown Prince who made him. It guided him into a dream-filled night, one with tangled sheets, the taste of blood, and an annoying white raven nipping at his ear.


End file.
